Friday, July 23, 2010

More than Angels Watching Over Me

Losing my mother has made me question everything I believe about what happens when we die. In the first few weeks after she left us, I buried myself in books about grief and life after death. I stayed up late nights reading about famous psychic mediums making contact with the deceased. I devoured women’s tales of vivid dreams and visits from their dead mothers; I even plowed through scientific studies of NDE’s (Near Death Experiences). I wanted answers.

After five months without her, I only have more questions.

WHERE IS SHE? Is she in paradise or some other dimension? Was she transported to a far-away planet, or a world where indestructible spirit energy flies free?

Is she trying to keep her promise to show me signs of her continuing existence? Or like the girl in The Lovely Bones is she caught in “the in-between”? Perhaps she has not accepted her fate or learned the skills needed for this kind of communication. For my Dad’s sake, could her spirit be lingering in the home they shared? Was that her voice he heard calling him from the study? I hope so…

Maybe she is in the middle of a Peacock family reunion with her parents and the brother and sisters that went before. (I like to think she went in search of Bob with tales of our daughters and the father-longing that has colored their lives)

There is only one answer I can't accept: that all that is left of her is simply lying in the quaint Franklin cemetery next to the pine tree and her in-laws.

Wondering, waiting, hoping. I still believe she will come through…

1 comment:

  1. After mom died, I read a ton of books about grief and life after death too. I believe that she is in Heaven and that she is free of pain. But just where is that? I also read The Lovely Bones about a month after she died. A friend saw me reading the book and questioned if I should be reading it since my mom had just died. I told her it brought me a sense of peace thinking that my mom could be close. Another book I read was For One More Day by Mitch Albom. It's about a man who got to spend one more day with his mom after she had died. I'm actually writing my own book, and one of the main characters will be a girl whose mom has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

    Take care,